Prep is finally here and I couldn’t be more excited! Prep is a beautiful time for me to grow into myself and to learn more about the woman I want to become.
Often times, I find myself molding and conforming to the beliefs and morals of others. Occasionally, I adopt values and beliefs from individuals who are not bodybuilders or from individuals who do not identify with the sport I love. I am naturally attracted to the dark side of temptations and sin. I tend to lose myself in others, whether that be in my friends, my family or in the men I date (which is rare, if any). Regardless of who it is, if I care about them, I want to make sure they are happy, feel loved and feel cared for. I invest so much energy into those who only want 60,%, 70% or 95% of me. Even during these two days of prep, I continue to learn that the people who truly want to be in my life and who truly deeply care for me want me to be happy. I work so hard on making sure everyone else is happy that I find myself lonely and empty with no time or energy to invest in myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m alone regularly and I genuinely enjoy time by myself. Whether it’s in the car, in the gym, on weekend nights… but in prep, I have come to learn (and still learning) how to love every single minute of the process, alone or with others.
My goal this prep is to feel everything 100%. Emotional suppression only leads to a lack of emotional maturity. Self-awareness is the key to becoming who you truly are and that is all I want for myself. I do realize I am young, and I have my tendencies to allow my mind to drift elsewhere but through my self-discovery, I will learn so many beautiful things about myself that I never knew even existed. Here’s to prep 2017 and the many lessons I will learn and the people I will meet. May we all surround ourselves with consistency, positive energy, high vibes and love.
“i am mine before i am anyone else’s”